I’m not ashamed to admit my preference for Sugar In The Raw.  There’s no one thing that makes me reach for the distinctive brown packets instead of the plain white ones, but many:  that “raw” in the name, unleashing a bit of danger into my morning cup of coffee; the way the crystals, larger and bolder than those of any refined sugar, catch the light with a golden amber, hinting at the naturally-sweet molasses flavor trapped inside; and the fact that it’s turbinado sugar, which simply sounds superior to any other sugar, even though I have no idea what “turbinado” means.  In fact, I’m such a fan that not only do I reach for Sugar In The Raw over other sugars, and not only am I disappointed if a coffee purveyor fails to offer Sugar In The Raw, but I bought a two-pound bulk box of Sugar In The Raw for home consumption.  And if that somehow wasn’t enough, here I am confessing all of this to you.  Yet I’m still struggling to imagine who might be so inspired to purchase the Sugar In The Raw polo shirt for $24.99 (plus $1.50 shipping and handling) advertised on the side of the bulk box.  Are there people more devoted to Sugar In The Raw than me, so much so that they feel compelled to literally wear their brand loyalty on their breast?  Or is this one of those cases where somebody in accounting was supposed to order 50 of these for the company picnic, but accidentally added a zero? ...

I’m also not ashamed to say that I clip coupons, but maybe I should be.  Whilst searching for bargains in the Sunday circular a while back, I saw an ad enticing me to “Own the U.S. Mint’s Amazing Anti-Counterfeit Bill.”  Intrigued, I read on.  “State-of-the-art security devices make the 2006 U.S. $10 bill sought after by collectors and feared by counterfeiters!”  Needless to say, my immediate response was:  “Wowsers!”  The ad went on to highlight, with callouts, all of the features of this amazing anti-counterfeit bill:  the micro-printing, the security thread, the color-shifting ink, the secret watermark ... in fact, every single feature of the $10 bill that you probably have in your wallet right now.  And what did the Littleton Coin Company want for one of these amazing anti-counterfeit $10 bills?  Why, only $14.95 -- but I’m so totally sure it’s totally worth it, because it comes with a FREE presentation case and certificate of authenticity.  Maybe I’m overanalyzing this, but I suspect the Littleton Coin Company has a very low opinion of the intellect of coupon clippers ...

Speaking of the newspaper, a couple weeks after the Littleton Coin Company tried to sell me a ten-dollar bill (and a certificate confirming that it was a ten-dollar bill) for $14.95, the plastic bag in which my Sunday paper arrived was a giant advertisement for Children’s Dimetapp Cold & Allergy.  I wouldn’t have given this a second thought, if not for the fact that the bag included a free sample.  In other words, my paper boy (or, more likely, a broken 47-year-old unshaven man in a beat-up conversion van) wasn’t just delivering the newspaper, he was delivering drugs to every household receiving a newspaper -- drugs for children, to boot.  Can someone please explain to me why I have to show my driver’s license to buy a box of Sudafed, but Dimetapp can deliver children’s drugs with the Sunday paper? ...

With Easter less than a month away, you’re no doubt on the hunt once again for that perfect Easter present.  Have you considered a basket of pastel-colored plastic eggs, each containing cappuccino-scented hand soap shaped like dog poop?  If not, I’m confident a visit to Nope...It’s Soap! will change your mind ...

Speaking of holidays, there were some great answers to some great questions that just didn’t make the cut in our Valentine’s Day edition, but work perfectly in a random setting like this one.

Q:  Is it true that some men think Victoria's Secret models are too skinny?  Deep down, do most men prefer women with a little meat on their bones?

A:  Runway models are ridiculous.  However, I don't think I can honestly say I have a problem with Victoria's secret models.  They just bring back such great memories from the mail room in college ...

Q:  When women wear clothes that are (a) tight fitting, (b) cleavage-boasting, (c) belly-baring, (d) underwear-revealing, or all of the above ... we're supposed to be looking, right?  I mean, if a woman is bending over and her thong is clearly visible to anybody behind her, we're not supposed to avert our eyes, are we?  If we weren't supposed to see all that, then why wear those clothes in the first place?

A:  Yes, you're supposed to be looking.  That's the point.  But if we think you're ugly or creepy, it's instantly wrong to look.  Sorry ...

This week’s time management quote, courtesy of our friends at A.Word.A.Day:  “For disappearing acts, it's hard to beat what happens to the eight hours supposedly left after eight of sleep and eight of work.” -- Doug Larson, Olympic Gold Medalist ...

Okay, I’ve done some additional research, and evidently, there are people in the world whose unswerving fealty to Sugar In The Raw makes my preference for it look like mild fondness.  Not only is there a market for the Sugar In The Raw polo shirts (available online at, but people are apparently buying “I Love My Sugar In The Raw” t-shirts -- at an alarming $29.99 a pop -- at such a rapid clip that they’re currently on backorder, meaning that if you wanted to buy me one (I wear a large), I’d have to wait 3-5 weeks for it.  However, it appears there is no wait for the Sugar In The Raw Pocket Carrier.  Yes, for just $1.25, you too can have Sugar In The Raw always at hand with this “Handsome pocket carrier.  Wherever you go, you'll save calories with this slim, attractive calf grain vinyl pocket carrier, made to hold 6 individual serving packets of Sugar In The Raw.”  Calf grain vinyl.  You know, just when you think your mild enthusiasm for raw sugar is slightly eccentric, here comes the Internet with a reminder that no matter how out there you might fancy yourself, there’s always somebody out there further ...

And finally, I can’t say if this speaks to the unbelievable litigiousness of American society or the unbelievable stupidity, but I wanted to share with you this warning I found on a candle:

“Please always remember a lit candle is fire.”